Who Hurt You?

Let it out.

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Who Hurt You?

You got: This asshole bird

It was him! Sure, he looks innocent enough, like he might bring you a nice bowl of fruity cereal, but don’t trust him! He will stab you in the back the moment you turn away. Not so talkative now that you’ve been called out, are you bird? He knows what he did.

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You got: A burrito

Oof, and what a burrito she was: beany, cheesy, salsa-y with sour cream and guac to boot. Halfway through you knew it was gonna be trouble for your tummy, and yet, you persisted. Now you’re paying for it dearly, but, even as you sit in anguish, you think: it was kind of worth it?

You got: The public school system

Years of outdated history books, vindictive teachers, rubbery chicken nuggets and cruel, cruel children let you scarred. You carry the pain with you every…single…day. But it’s okay now. School can’t hurt you anymore. You’re strong enough now to leave the past behind and find the happiness you deserve. Unless you’re actually still in school, then, LOL.

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You got: Sharon

Twas’ Sharon that hurt you, and hurt you bad she did. But you’re the bigger person in this relationship, you can forgive and forget, and you know what? You do hope she’s happy with her new husband, him with his shiny new grill, hope he polishes that thing up so she can see her beautiful face smiling back at her as she smells some delicious sausages cookin’ up.

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You got: Global warming

It’s global warming that’s hurting you. But, hey, if it makes you feel any better, it’s hurting all of us, all the time! Hmm, that probably didn’t make you feel any better. Well, um, global warming disproportionately hurts people in developing nations! Wait, that’s not good either…

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